Domestic Violence Hurts Children too!!

Family violence hurts children as well. You may be worried about people fighting at home. Many children living in homes where domestic violence takes place are given the message that what is occurring must be kept a secret. This message leads to children feeling isolated and to assume that only their family is troubled by abuse and violence. It is important to realise that you are not alone and that there are many people who are willing to listen and who understand how you may be feeling. You also need to know that the violence taking place at home is not your fault. You cannot cause nor control what other people do. For many years we have worked with children and young people who have lived with domestic violence. These children have inspired us with their views and have given us an insight to the traumas they have experienced. Many of them have shared their feelings, emotions and experiences with us, and perhaps through sharing them with you, you may find comfort and realise that you are not alone.

"The police were good they took us to Fortalice. When we got there we didn't know everyone it felt strange not being at home but we are happy we were not with him" Boy aged 9
 

"It is good to see my mum being happy and with no black eyes and burst noses" Boy aged 9
 

"When they split up I thought I was the only one it had happened to, but I saw all the kids that were here".girl aged 11
 

"When I first came to the refuge I was very nervous but I settled ok because I made some friends" girl aged 8
 

"In the refuge I feel safer that no-one is coming in drunk and the police are not being rung up. I didn't feel safe before. I am not bothered that I am in a refuge. I am happy to wait for a house. When I was with my dad I was very upset and I was always upstairs I only went down at night. I hardly went down stairs. At night my mum got my brother to sleep and then we would get something to eat". girl aged 11
 

"If you have a problem they (staff) can see it inside you, they will ask you what is wrong" girl aged 9
 

"I like it at the refuge because if you are upset you can chat and you can make new friends" girl aged 10.

The poem below clearly states some of the emotions and feelings a young person was experiencing.

"MY SO CALLED LIFE?
 
MY SO CALLED LIFE WHERE HAS IT GONE?
I HAVE LOST MY SELF CONFIDENCE
AND MY FEELINGS AND PRIDE LOCKED UP INSIDE.
WHERE DO I TURN WHERE DO I GO?
I FEEL LIKE A BOMB, WAITING TO EXPLODE.
SO MANY PROBLEMS CAUSE SO MUCH STRIFE.
AT THE END OF THE DAY THAT'S MY SO CALLED LIFE.

BY A BOY AGED 13YRS

You too may be experiencing a variety of feelings, you may feel, fear, anger, distress, shame, contempt, sadness, jealousy or even loneliness. It is okay to have any or all of these feelings. Sometimes it helps to write or draw about how you're feeling, but if you can, talk to an adult you know, trust and like. Perhaps a teacher, grandparent, aunt or uncle, a friend of mum or dad, a friend's parent or a leader at a youth club. Anyone who you would feel safe to talk to.

REMEMBER - you are not alone. There are people who can help and who will listen to you. You can ring one of these free phone numbers- CHILDLINE - 0800 1111 NSPCC helpline - 0800 800 500

If there is fighting and you are scared, ring 999